Our joyous Purim celebration

21 Mar 2011 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Holiday, Traditions Tags: , , , ,

Blue skies, sunshine and 77 degree weather were the backdrop of  Honolulu Temple Emanu-El’s School of Jewish Studies Purim carnival that was sponsored by the “Parent Hui” today.

We had a blast. While some mainland shul’s make this occasion a major fundraiser or perhaps a signature event similar to the Punahou Carnival, ours is what might be described as a bit more heymisha. But no less enjoyed.

The dunk tank was a big hit, especially when the Rabbi was the featured dunkee. The kids lined up for a chance to watch him plunge into the water and climb back out for another round.

Visiting Cantor Karen Gilat led the children in song, families dressed up, the bake sale featured hamantashen and the youth group sold hot dogs.

 

Shalach manot from my friend Nancy brightened my day.

Most of all, the great feelings of coming together as parents to make sure our kids have good Purim memories and a community celebrating a holiday that represents victory and deliverance is a darn good reason to get my blogging groove back in gear.

My daughter won first place in the science fair

20 Jan 2011 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Family, Kvell, Mothers and Daughters Tags: , , , , , ,

The reason I am posting this blog entry is not because I am bragging about my daughter who won FIRST PLACE in her category in the Science Fair at her school today. Yes, of course I am proud of her. What mother wouldn’t be? Jewish or not.

But there is more to the story than  her FIRST PLACE award and that is the story that I want to tell.

There’s two parts. The first one is about expectations. I have often been accused of setting very high expectations: for myself, for my students in a past life when I was a teacher and for my children. I can’t help it. My parents had high expectations of me and I learned my M.O. from them.

I have learned on my own that for maximum results I need to strike a reasonable balance between demand and motivation when it comes to getting those expectations met. In my experience, teenagers do not respond well to too much pressure, especially my daughter.

I was not at my stellar best when it came to communicating expectations in regards to this particular project.

Her award is the “I told you so.”

I was not as supportive and motivating as I should have been. I suggested, not too subtly, that she should have done more research and worked harder. I nagged her to finish it early so she would not be working at the last-minute. It did not create the most joyful environment.

She did say that she was glad she finished it before winter break so that she could relax while some of her friends were still stressing about getting it done.

When they announced her first place award at the assembly I was duly humbled. She had it under control all along. I will give her more credit from now on.

The other thing I can’t help but think about in relation to her success on this project is that it has to do with her Bat Mitzvah. How are a science project and the  rite of passage for Jewish  thirteen-year-olds connected you might ask.

The way I see it, not only does becoming a Bat Mitzvah have great significance in relation to her role in the Jewish community, it also affects her secular life as well.

Making a presentation in front of her class was no big deal after leading a congregation filled with family and friends and community members in prayer–in another language. Writing a 5 paragraph essay was a drop in the bucket compared to composing and giving an introduction to  a Torah portion a Haftarah portion and a D’var Torah.

This rite of passage served to deepen her connection to our Synagogue and the wider Jewish community.  It also enhanced her confidence and reinforced skills that she will apply as a leader in her secular life as well.

While it will be a long while before I am prouder of her than I was a year ago, on the day of her Bat Mitzvah, I will take every moment I can get, like her FIRST PLACE award at the science fair today. Even if this particular one comes with a bit of chagrin.

Happy Birthaversary Darling…

28 Dec 2010 Leave a comment

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Kvell, Relationships Tags: , , , ,

Not only is the day after Christmas my birthday, but it is also our wedding anniversary. This is not by chance.

I married my wonderful, handsome husband three years ago on my 45th birthday (go ahead, I’m sure anybody can do the math.) I always say that it was the best birthday party I ever had. Not to mention, the smartest choice I ever made.

He chose the date and I agreed. He always says that it is so he won’t forget, but I don’t believe him. I just think he knew it would be a good idea and he was right.

I love our celebration every year. He is careful to make it special for both reasons and I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate being alive than celebrate being married to a wonderful man.

Okay, enough kvelling about him.

So far, we have gone away each year to celebrate this special day. The first year the whole family went to the Big Island and stayed at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. Last year we spent a few days at the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

This year he made reservations for the night at Turtle Bay on the North Shore. We did not bring the rest of the family. It was just the two of us for 24 glorious hours of romantic relaxation.

He picked an ocean view room and we made excellent use of the comfortable lanai. We watched the surfers catch waves, this kids play in the pool and the sunset take over the colorful sky.

Happy Birthaversary Darling, and I’m looking forward to years and years and years of more wonderful celebrations.

What else do Jews do on Christmas? This one waits for the next day.

26 Dec 2010 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Holiday, Travel Tags: , , , , ,

Travel. Christmas day is the perfect day to fly somewhere. I went to the airport yesterday to pick up my Mother-In-Law who came to visit from Florida. It was empty. It was so easy.

Of course I managed to miss the parking lot entrance more than once and drove around HNL a few times too many. But this gave me a clear perspective of how not busy the airport was yesterday afternoon.

And we are very happy to have her here for a visit, just in time for the rain.

When I was a kid my family often drove to Vegas on Christmas to be there just in time for my birthday the next day. I spent many a birthday there, including #21. I clearly remember being in the bathroom with Kathy (Brown) Goetsch at midnight on December 25 and joyfully cutting up my fake I.D.. Please don’t tell my kids!

My parents took us to see Joan Rivers one year and Frank Sinatra another in honor of all the great people born around December 25. I’m pretty sure I share a birthday with Joan Rivers’ daughter.

That’s another reason it was so easy for me to get comfortable with the local culture once I moved to Hawaii. Locals love to go to Vegas and I grew up with a father who did too.

I have combined this  love of going to Las Vegas and my Jewish tradition of flying on Christmas on more than one occasion with excellent results.

For my 40th birthday we flew on December 25 to be there in time for my for the big day. Kathy met us there along with other childhood friends from California  and we had a blast.

We met my sister there a few years ago. This time I was treated to a Jerry Seinfeld show for my birthday!

So, if you are looking for a good day to travel, I highly recommend Christmas. And if you are looking for something else to celebrate when all is said and done, there is always my birthday on December 26. I am happy to share!

Melekalikimaka and Hau’oli Makahiki Hou. Keep your eyes closed for the picture of the ham if you keep kosher.

25 Dec 2010 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Family, Holiday, Traditions Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I am always clear that we do not celebrate Christmas. That does not mean that I begrudge others their celebration. On the contrary, I fully support whatever is your family’s tradition and the great joy it brings for you.

It just bugs me that it has to be so public and that there is no consideration that it might not be my tradition. Local culture as well as most retail establishments assume that everybody wants to get in the holiday spirit before the Thanksgiving turkey can be served as left overs and sandwiches.

At my kids’ school the Christmas trees appeared in the lobby on the first day of Chanukah and one of the teachers dressed up like an elf for weeks before the winter break. It makes my kids feel left out, not to mention that she looked a little silly.

I’d say it wasn’t a until a few days ago that I was ready for the world to enjoy Christmas, and I did manage to get into the holiday spirit in my way.

There were many firsts for me this year.

Since I helped organize the Kukui Center’s holiday party, I bought Christmas decorations for the first time in my life. I strolled the aisles of Longs and picked up some tinsel and ornaments and a couple of stockings. It felt weird and I hoped nobody I knew would see inside my shopping cart!

But the party was very nice and all the staffs of the 8 non-profits co-located at the center came together for a joyful afternoon and celebration of a year of hard work and helping people.

While it has nothing to do with Christmas, yesterday I went to my first tailgate party at the Aloha Stadium where UH played in the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl and, more importantly, my older daughter danced hula in the half time show.

We got there early and set up and spent the day relaxing and enjoying the delicious hamburgers and sausages my husband grilled.

The girls got ready and nervously awaited their international half time debut. They and the other 300 hula dancers were televised and aired across the nation and in Japan.

And today I made my first ham! My husband’s battalion held a gathering at lunchtime and he was in charge of the ham. Never before have I cooked a holiday ham, but for the soldiers I did.

There wasn’t much to it. I put it in the oven and when it was warm he took it out. I’m sure there are others that employ much more art for their hams. But for this Jewish girl’s debut, I do think it was quite successful.

I did not join him and his soldiers to find out how it tasted. Instead, my younger daughter and I went out to deliver meals for Lanakila Pacific’s Meals on Wheels. This has become our annual Christmas tradition. We started last year and were pleased to have the opportunity to do it again.

She is thrilled and I am satisfied to do our part to bring some food and joy and company to other people’s holiday. We made goodie bags and she made cards and we hit the road to pick up the meals and distribute them on the west side.

So when all is said and done. Melekalikimaka to you and your family, even if you don’t celebrate.  It certainly has been a nice one for ours.

We had a ball anyway…

22 Dec 2010 4 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in General Tags: , , ,

They no longer call the National Guard Birthday Ball a “Ball.” It is now a “Commemoration.”

Either way, we went on December 11, 2010 and had a great time.

I’m kind of glad that they changed the name. Calling it a Ball is a bit deceptive. It really is more like a banquet.

I remember the first time my husband asked me to join him. He was in the Reserves then and we had been dating for several months. I was very excited. Since I am all about the dress, I asked him about the attire and he said that it was formal. “Like a prom dress,” he said.

Of course I went out and bought a fancy new dress and imagined an evening of dancing and drinking champagne and any other detail a princess fairy tale could conjure. While I was not disappointed in my Prince Charming of an escort, nor the Ball in general, it did not meet my magical expectations whatsoever.

First of all, I did not have to buy a prom dress. Semi formal will do. Every year I swear that I am not going to go out and buy a new dress, but I always do. He not only gets to, but has to wear the same thing each time, so it is no problem for him.

I’ve learned not to spend too much and have finally figured out how to be dressed up and comfortable at the same time.

I had a lot of practice with the UH ROTC Dining Out events. Dining Out is also a better term than “Ball”

2006

2009

My favorite “Ball” was in 2008. It was our first National Guard Ball and I wore my wedding dress from the year before. We were still enjoying the afterglow of newlyweddedness (I like to think we still sort of are.)

We saw our friends Mishan and James and I was perfectly comfortable and relaxed, which always makes for a great evening.

Second of all, dancing is not the focus of the evening. There are several ceremonies to which I have become accustomed over the years: presenting the Colors, toasts and after dinner speeches.

The entertainment is usually a military band, not designed for ballroom dancing. The DJ comes on after the Colors are retired and we are usually so tired ourselves at this point that it is time for us to go home.

This year, they renamed it a Commemoration. That totally works for me. We had a very nice time.

The fact that it was held at the JW Marriot Ihilani Resort and Spa Hokulani Ballroom was a big plus. Not only is it beautiful there, but it is also close to home. We did not have to fight traffic in and out of Waikiki on a Saturday night.

It was a happy Chanukalulu

11 Dec 2010 1 Comment

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Family, Holiday, Traditions Tags: , , , , ,

I’ve noticed that the media has coined various clever, inclusive titles for the holiday season such as Christmahanakwanzaka or Knishmas. I’d like to add one of my favorites to the mix, “Chanukalulu.”

While it does not necessarily include other holidays, I think it is a nice way to describe celebrating Chanukah in Honolulu. And I have to say that this year it was a totally a Chanukalulu celebration, especially last weekend. I might even venture to say it was a Chanukapalooza!

We began lighting the candles on the first night, but since it was a school night we kept it pretty mellow. I chose the Menorah my mom gave me, the Menorah she gave my daughter, the Menorah my  husband’s mother gave him and the Menorah she gave his daughter.

Our kids get gifts, but we tried to keep it simple this year. The party really started on Friday evening.

The annual Temple Emanu-El and SJS Chanukah potluck dinner and family service brought the congregation and school families together for food, fun and worship. We lit the candles together as a community and celebrated the third night of Chanukkah and Shabbat together. It was nice to  connect in mutual celebration.

On Saturday we went to the Rock of Ages concert at the shul featuring a local band Flux Capacitor.

It was a fundraiser for the School of Jewish Studies and a night out for the family. How often does one get to go to a rock concert at the Synagogue.? The kids danced, the grown ups danced, the band danced.

The final activity in what our Temple President has referred to as a “Trifecta” was the SJS Macabiah games on Sunday morning. The kids played Jewpardy, dreidle and a host of other games as well as ate latkes in the name of Chanukah celebration.

By Monday morning I had what I like to refer to as a Chanukah hangover. We truly celebrated to our limit. Of course we lit the candles as a family  at home until the last night, but our supercharged celebration was concentrated over the weekend.

What I like about it is that it did not focus on presents and getting stuff. Instead, it brought together  our family and our community in mutual celebration. We enjoyed the company of friends new and old and shared the rituals and traditions of our faith that bond us during this holiday season.

Our Rabbi sent us a message the other day and at the end  it said, “May the lights of Chanukah continue to burn brightly within us and bring us and the whole world wisdom, inspiration and peace.”

Now that is the true meaning of Chanukalulu.

Bring on the Thanksgiving noodle kugel

27 Nov 2010 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Family, Food, Holiday Tags: , , , ,

In the 20 years I have lived in Hawaii I  only traveled to the mainland twice to spend Thanksgiving with family. Once I met my mother and youngest sister in L.A.. When my daughter was a toddler,  I took her to Kansas City to share the holiday with my mother and oldest sister.

Both were disastrous. Not in the family dynamics kind of way, when one part of the family is not speaking to another part so you can’t sit them next to each other at the table type of thing. We always enjoy the company. It was more about the logistics.

From L.A., my plane was terribly delayed and I did not make it home in time for work on Monday. That soured me on peak travel dates forever after.

In Kansas City it was cold. “Duh,” you might respond. “The Midwest in November? Hellooooo.”

Yes, I knew it would be cold. Yes, I took warm clothes. My mom bought cute little puffy snow jackets at Steinmart for my daughter and greeted us with gift sets that included ear muffs and warm woolen gloves and caps suitable for the most fashionable of bunnies on the slopes. We were suitably armed.

However, I did not take into consideration the discomfort  of  my three-year-old who was used to wearing slippers all year round and who had never experienced the stifling feeling of  thick socks or a jacket that looked like it was made of jet puffed marshmallows sewn together by the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

She was fine when we were in the house. My mom turned up the heat and my daughter did not have to don layer after thick layer for protection against the elements. She was free. It just turned out hard to  hard to go anywhere without a fuss. So we stayed home.

One year my family came here. They stayed at Ko Olina. We had Thanksgiving at the Ihilani. All was good.

I have gotten used to not being together on holidays. I’ve comfortably absorbed into the local families I know and put together one of my own in the past few years.

This year we spent Thanksgiving in Makaha with the Suisos. One of our favorite places and definitely some of our favorite people.

I knew I would not miss my mother due to distance. I did know that I would miss her because I miss her every day. Because it is a special occasion and I would not be able to call and say hello, I wanted find a way to honor her memory and feel her with me in some way.

I wore jewelry she had given me over the years: a ring that my father had given her that I’ve been wearing since high school and some earrings that I bought with one of her birthday checks a few years ago.

And I made “The Kugel.” My mother’s noodle kugel made its appearance at every festive meal except Passover (no noodles on Passover.) We enjoyed its buttery cinnamon sugar goodness  on holidays, Jewish or non.

I started making it almost ten years ago as an addition to our holiday menu. She sent me the recipe. It made my exotic life feel more like home. I don’t prepare it for every holiday. This year I did.

It came out perfect and tasted delicious.

As people passed through the improvised buffet line I heard them ask, “What is it?” With each explanation that “Kugel means casserole in Yiddish and it was my mother’s recipe,” I felt a  connection.

Not enough to completely replace my mother’s presence at the table at which she would not usually sit. But certainly sufficient to brighten her memory and let her distant presence  energize its sparkle in my life and enrich our celebration and appreciation.

Thank you, Mom. Very much.

Target brings a miracle of Chanukah to Kapolei

20 Nov 2010 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Holiday Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have been holding off on writing my annual diatribe against all of the retail establishments who have had their Christmas merchandise on display  since before Halloween. I am amazed (appalled)  at how the Fall season has some how tragically become an almost three-month countdown to the biggest money-making event capitalists could possibly conceive: Christmas.

I even thought of adding a new category to this blog entitled “Kvetching” and lead off with my favorite seasonal complaint mentioned in the previous paragraph. But stuff just kept getting in the way.

I’ve been busy with my family and Rotary and my new job. I haven’t been shopping a whole lot. And I did not want to make that particular complaint a signature issue of a blog that I’ve created to explore how my unique experiences connect with the larger community on the island, on the mainland, across other oceans and definitely other religions.

I still like the idea of creating a category called “Kvetching.” Everybody needs the chance to whine and complain now and then.

Today I am not going to complain. Just the opposite. I am going to kvell (Maybe that should be a category as well. Maybe I should rename all of my categories with Yiddish titles.)

Something great happened yesterday and I am of the sneaking suspicion that it is my own very personal reward for exercising a bit of self-restraint. I have not complained too much about the fact that Christmas trees that have been subtly emerging over the past month or the “Holiday” decorations and events that are named with such political correctness, but adorned with absolutely no diversity whatsoever.

I have simply rushed passed them and when my children were in tow, murmured minimal mumblings about the silliness of it all. I have not gotten worked up at all.

Until yesterday. We stopped by Target on our way to the IPA Scholastic Book Fair to get some supplies for the Ko Olina Resort & Marina Thanksgiving Outreach we are participating in today. The Rotary Club of Kapolei will be serving 200 meals at the US Vets facility at Kalaeloa.

That’s when it happened. We were in the greeting card section when my younger girl joyfully exclaimed, “Chanukah decorations!”

I turned to look at what she was talking about and I saw it too, with my very own eyes, Chanukah decorations. It was not just one or two items shoved on a bottom shelf as a token nod to people who might be in search of something else in life besides Christmas. No, it was an entire section that was strategically placed at the end of the aisle to attract our attention and encourage us to buy, buy buy. And I did. There were plates, napkins, menorahs, dreidles, decorations and candles.

I was thrilled and my daughter was too.

When I first moved to Hawaii my mother had to send me stuff from her Temple gift shop in Kansas City. She’d send me Chanukah gelt and small dreidles to take to the kids’ classrooms. She sent  plates and napkins so we could have holiday appropriate celebrations in our home.

Whenever there was a Jewish holiday, Kapolei Safeway would display the matzah and chicken soup boxes as if that’s what we eat on a ritual basis.

Over the years I have been able to purchase what I need at our own Temple gift shop and have done a lot of online shopping as well. I always support the Innisbrook gift wrap fundraiser at IPA because they have Chanukah wrapping paper and gift bags.

Yesterday I supported Target. We bought plates, napkins, decorations and even some candles that we don’t need. If they are going to give us a whole section, I am going to shop there–whole heartedly.

My husband described it in  capitalist terms, if I show a demand they will offer the supply!

I don’t know how long those items were there. Perhaps they went up in October as well. But since the first night of Chanukah is on December 1 this year, I saw last night as excellent timing. A few weeks before the holiday, right around Thanksgiving is the perfect time to get “In the spirit.”

It’s like our own little Chanukah miracle, right in the middle of the Kapolei Target, offering a spirit of good will for the season. This  will certainly buoy me down the aisles of that store and others with a much smaller kvetch on my tongue and a good dose of holiday cheer in my heart.

Doing the Bat Mitzvah shuttle

14 Nov 2010 2 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in In the car, Rites of Passage, Traditions, Travel Tags: , , ,

We just came home from a Bat Mitzvah.

I had three kids in the car. They make up the 8th grade class at Honolulu Temple Emanu-El’s SJS, besides the Bat Mitzvah girl. She had her own transportation.

I will take them to her party this evening.

There are only 4 kids in the class. My older daughter is one of them. Her Bat Mitzvah last January was the first for that class. A Bar Mitzvah followed last summer. The Bat Mitzvah today and a Bar Mitzvah scheduled later this month over  Thanksgiving weekend will find the whole class completed in this major rite of passage. Two boys and two girls.

While a small group like this does not offer the busy social life of many Jewish 13-year-olds, filled with ceremonies and catered affairs on a weekly basis, it does offer the opportunity to forge close relationships between these adolescents who have been in Sunday school class together every week from 9 am to noon since they were in kindergarten.

Add in Wednesday afternoons for two hours of Hebrew school since fourth grade and these kids have spent a significant amount of time together learning about and being Jewish.

As I drove, my daughter talked and joked and laughed with these two boys, who are like brothers to her. I started to muse about her prospects of dating a Jewish boy or marrying one some day. I wondered which of the two boys sitting in the backseat of my car would make a good boyfriend or husband. I like them both very much.

They are very nice boys. I am friends with their mothers. And that’s when I stopped. I don’t want to be in-laws with my friends. She can meet a Jewish boy from another state when she is in college. Or maybe one will move here that she doesn’t know so well.

It did remind me of my youth and the Jewish boys I knew so well: Jon Sherman and Jason Oxman. We lived in the same neighborhood. We rode together and were in the same class at Sunday school, Hebrew school, weekend camp programs for our entire Jewish educations. Jon and I were in the same class in elementary school every year as well. We all went to the same high school. They were like my brothers. We fought like siblings and have remained in contact to this day.

I never would have dated either of them and I am pretty sure they would say the same about me.

So that’s where it stops.

I will let my daughter play football with these nice Jewish boys we know so well. They can go to parties and dance and lead services together with the Temple youth group. And I will let her choose her own dates as well. I’m pretty sure these boys will have her back and take good care of her like any brother would.

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