Gloria’s Girls

28 May 2024 4 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Mothers and Daughters Tags: , , , , ,

Of course I am thinking about my mom this weekend. Her yahrzeit is today. 14 years. I noticed that I last wrote about her seven years ago and that I mentioned the significance of the number seven in Jewish traditions. Here we are, another seven years later, and I decided to write about her again. Interesting. 

I texted my sisters yesterday to suggest that this year we honor our mother’s memory in a very special way.

I usually go to Friday night services and say Kaddish and light a yahrzeit candle. I did not skip those traditions. However, I wanted to do something more meaningful.

When I texted my sisters about the plan, they immediately embraced the idea and we have been engaging all weekend. In honor of our mother’s memory, this weekend Gloria’s Girls are shopping. Yes, shopping. Gloria loved to shop, mostly for clothes and purses. As a matter of fact, the day before she became suddenly ill and slipped into a coma, that is exactly what she was doing. She went out to lunch with her girlfriends and then went shopping and bought a new purse. 

For whatever reason, shopping brought her pleasure. 

Some of my earliest memories include going with her to the Buena Park Mall with its anchor stores Sears and May Company on either end. JCPenney, Newberries and a few other stores sat in between. But mostly we went to Sears. It was practical. 

Both her shopping habits and her wardrobe evolved over the years. Once all three Gershun Girls left for college and grew independent, she no longer had three daughters to clothe and could focus on herself. After I moved out in 1980, my parents sold the house and bought a condo in Brea where my mom discovered the Brea Mall and its anchor store: Nordstrom. She was thrilled and regularly delighted in the options and her acquisitions. At this point she refined her wardrobe and accessories, putting together outfits for Fall, Spring, and Summer. We lived in Southern California, so she skipped Winter. I can remember her telling me on the phone, with excitement in her voice, that the new Fall clothes were on the racks and she was looking forward to shopping for the season. 

After my father passed away, my mom moved to Overland Park, Kansas to be near my oldest sister and  took her fashionable threads to an entirely new level. Nearby were Nordstrom and Dillards and Chicos. My mom had just the right thing to wear for every occasion, including a statement necklace and a purse that matched her shoes. Let’s just say that she was well put together.  

Although my sisters and I are each a  reflection of our mother in our own unique ways, leisure shopping is a shared connection that we have with each other and with her. It sure beats doing the dishes.

So that was the plan this weekend. We delineated some of the parameters of the shopping extravaganza. My oldest sister recently had hip surgery and is recovering at home. It was clear that there will be no recreational shopping at the mall for her. So we decided that online shopping totally counts in the honoring of our mother department. We also agreed that using a coupon enhances the honor. Gloria loved a good coupon or a sale. Once we clarified the guidelines we all committed to our duties with gusto. 

This is another trait that we Gershun Girls share with our mother: enthusiasm for and dedication to achieving a goal. 

I am pleased to report that the plan was successful. Not only did we accomplish the objective of honoring the memory of Gloria Gershun, whose memory is a great blessing for all three of us, we found comfort in our shopping and texting and remembering our mother together on the 14th anniversary of her passing. Not to mention the new outfit and sunglasses that I will be wearing this summer in true Gloria fashion.

Do I need therapy for my therapy?

05 Nov 2011 10 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Family, Mothers and Daughters Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I would not describe myself as a shopaholic. I am not that extreme. But I could definitely be considered a shopper. It’s in my jeans.

My mother was totally a shopper. You could probably refer to her as the Queen Bee of shoppers. She gleefully put together a fall, winter and spring wardrobe every season. I think she chose her last residence for its proximity to Chicos, Talbots and Coldwater Creek that were just down the block. The Jewish Community Center was nearby as well.

My sisters and I have definitely inherited her propensity for supporting the economy (not to mention a definite resemblance in the good looks and charm department as well). We got a lot of practice growing up.

I can remember many a childhood evening spent with my mother and sisters at Southern California’s Buena Park Mall. We tried on clothes at the local Sears, J. J. Newberries and smaller clothing shops. We’d always stop half way through our excursion and call my father from the pay phone in the middle of the mall to let him know we were going to be a few more hours.

I think he was happy for the time to himself and the quiet calm in our home on these evenings. Three Gershun girls can make a lot of noise.

These days my oldest sister does most of her buying online. The younger one is more like our mother and a regular at Kohl’s and T.J. Maxx and always happy to take us there when we visit since we do not have those gold mines in the shopping arena in Hawaii.

I fall somewhere in between.

A few years ago I began to refer to it as retail therapy, noticing the  positive emotional payoff after a satisfactory excursion to Pearlridge Mall or Ala Moana Center.

I definitely took that form of therapy to an extreme after a few major life changing incidents like divorcing my first husband or several years later breaking up with my new boyfriend when we were dating before we made up and he became my second husband.

My overwhelming feelings during those difficult times were not assuaged by the purchase of a new pair of shoes or a cute jacket. They required much grander gestures: redecorating or buying moderately expensive jewelry.

Over the past few years I have tempered my shopping habits. The combination of only needing a wardrobe for one season in Hawaii, trying to stick to a budget along with a concerted effort at trying to be satisfied with what I have usually work to keep me from visiting the local stores and malls a bit more than I used to.

However, recently I have been shopping up a storm.

When I told my friend Linda about this and that I had several things to return at Macy’s, she said that she does that a lot too. She referred to it as “Bulimic Shopping.” It totally made sense.

I also got this from my mother and I know that my younger sister does it a lot too. I purchase way more clothes than I need or convince myself that it looks good on me in the fitting room. When I get home, I realize that I was fooling myself and wonder, “What was I thinking?” So I take it back.

Some times I simply find something that I like better and buy it knowing that I can return the other stuff later.

I started to look at my recent shopping patterns and have clearly identified myself as a bulimic shopper.

Binge and purge.

If you saw all of the receipts stuffed in my wallet you might be inclined to think that I am a hoarder!

In my defense I will mention that I recently lost a bunch of weight (25 pounds, thank you very much) and am in need of new clothes. The old ones are two sizes too big. So I deserve a bit of shopping for a stylish wardrobe to hang in my closet and from my now visible hip bones. It’s a reasonable reward.

But I’ve been doing that buy and return thing A LOT!

Perhaps the shopping is also replacing the eating? It certainly takes my mind off of the food. Some times I go so far as to consider it exercise too. If I shop for an hour is it an hour of walking? Do you think I should seek professional help?

However you look at it: genetic propensity, retail therapy, bingeing and purging,  if not taken to the extreme, shopping  can both fill the basic need to be clothed (in a moderately fashionable) way) and be a reasonable form of recreation.

So, thank you mom and sisters and Linda for sharing this habit and its many symptoms. I do believe I will drop the kids off tomorrow at Religious school and hit the mall….just for an hour or so.