Gloria’s Girls

28 May 2024 4 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in Mothers and Daughters Tags: , , , , ,

Of course I am thinking about my mom this weekend. Her yahrzeit is today. 14 years. I noticed that I last wrote about her seven years ago and that I mentioned the significance of the number seven in Jewish traditions. Here we are, another seven years later, and I decided to write about her again. Interesting. 

I texted my sisters yesterday to suggest that this year we honor our mother’s memory in a very special way.

I usually go to Friday night services and say Kaddish and light a yahrzeit candle. I did not skip those traditions. However, I wanted to do something more meaningful.

When I texted my sisters about the plan, they immediately embraced the idea and we have been engaging all weekend. In honor of our mother’s memory, this weekend Gloria’s Girls are shopping. Yes, shopping. Gloria loved to shop, mostly for clothes and purses. As a matter of fact, the day before she became suddenly ill and slipped into a coma, that is exactly what she was doing. She went out to lunch with her girlfriends and then went shopping and bought a new purse. 

For whatever reason, shopping brought her pleasure. 

Some of my earliest memories include going with her to the Buena Park Mall with its anchor stores Sears and May Company on either end. JCPenney, Newberries and a few other stores sat in between. But mostly we went to Sears. It was practical. 

Both her shopping habits and her wardrobe evolved over the years. Once all three Gershun Girls left for college and grew independent, she no longer had three daughters to clothe and could focus on herself. After I moved out in 1980, my parents sold the house and bought a condo in Brea where my mom discovered the Brea Mall and its anchor store: Nordstrom. She was thrilled and regularly delighted in the options and her acquisitions. At this point she refined her wardrobe and accessories, putting together outfits for Fall, Spring, and Summer. We lived in Southern California, so she skipped Winter. I can remember her telling me on the phone, with excitement in her voice, that the new Fall clothes were on the racks and she was looking forward to shopping for the season. 

After my father passed away, my mom moved to Overland Park, Kansas to be near my oldest sister and  took her fashionable threads to an entirely new level. Nearby were Nordstrom and Dillards and Chicos. My mom had just the right thing to wear for every occasion, including a statement necklace and a purse that matched her shoes. Let’s just say that she was well put together.  

Although my sisters and I are each a  reflection of our mother in our own unique ways, leisure shopping is a shared connection that we have with each other and with her. It sure beats doing the dishes.

So that was the plan this weekend. We delineated some of the parameters of the shopping extravaganza. My oldest sister recently had hip surgery and is recovering at home. It was clear that there will be no recreational shopping at the mall for her. So we decided that online shopping totally counts in the honoring of our mother department. We also agreed that using a coupon enhances the honor. Gloria loved a good coupon or a sale. Once we clarified the guidelines we all committed to our duties with gusto. 

This is another trait that we Gershun Girls share with our mother: enthusiasm for and dedication to achieving a goal. 

I am pleased to report that the plan was successful. Not only did we accomplish the objective of honoring the memory of Gloria Gershun, whose memory is a great blessing for all three of us, we found comfort in our shopping and texting and remembering our mother together on the 14th anniversary of her passing. Not to mention the new outfit and sunglasses that I will be wearing this summer in true Gloria fashion.

Words of Thanks

03 May 2024 7 Comments

by Being Jewish in Hawaii in General Tags: , , ,

I’ve been writing thank you notes all of my life. I blame it on my mother. She made us do it. Even when I was in college she would remind me to send a note to Aunt Shirley and Uncle Bud or Aunt Tee and Uncle Alf for the gift that they sent for Chanukkah or my birthday. 

Just like Gloria, I made my kids do the same. I am my mother’s daughter after all. My children now tease me that I insisted they were not allowed to use their Bat Mitzvah gifts, including gift cards, until they had written a thank you note to the considerate person who bestowed upon them a present to mark the occasion. When it came time to open the presents at their birthday parties (a tradition I generally abhor)  there was a designated person to jot down an itemized list of gift and giver while the birthday girl read the card (you always have to read the card first, we learned that from Aunty Monica) and then ripped open the beautifully wrapped package. Thank you notes were mandatory. 

I still get queries from my twenty-something adult children asking if it is okay to send a text or an email in lieu of a hand written note. I loosened my restrictions once they went away to college and agreed to expressions of appreciation via digital means. I left it up to them. 

I prefer a handwritten note myself and try to send them as often as possible. I have two friends who always send something after we get together. The thoughtfulness is never lost on me. It only takes a few minutes to show appreciation and the effort goes a long way. 

Last week I went to a retirement celebration for a friend and she made a few remarks. She thanked her family and friends for all of the support and collaboration over the years and finished by saying: Todah Rabah, Mahalo Nui Loa, and Thank You. There are so many ways to express gratitude. 

Most people I know don’t do things for others in order to be thanked. I certainly donʻt. But it sure is nice to know when it is appreciated. In Hawaiʻi, even Da Bus expresses thanks. It is so cool. If the bus is merging into your lane and you slow down to let it go in front of you, it usually flashes an electronic expression of appreciation: The Shaka (and sometimes it even adds Mahalo.) How awesome is that? 

People make shaka for many reasons, from greeting friends from afar to just saying howzit in passing. From an early age Hawaiʻi children learn how to form a shaka with their hands. It is automatic to flash one when posing for a picture. And when the bus lights up with the shaka sign, it means thank you for your consideration. I get so excited every time it happens and I am absolutely, way more likely to let the bus go in front of me so that I can get the shaka. It involves the whole hand and not just a finger and I am proud to live in a state that values friendly, positive and gracious interactions between people, and vehicles. Are there other places where public transportation is kind and considerate in this way? 

Recently, a bill passed at the Hawai’i State Legislature to make the shaka the “Official State Gesture.” We are a state that chooses to be gracious and kind.

I was on the road last week and the bus actually let me merge in front of it and I was sorry that I was not able to flash my own mahalo shaka in return for all the bus shakas that I received over the years. The next day I heard about Project Shaka. There is going to be an official Hawaii State DMV Shaka vehicle license plate. I am totally going to get one of those and be a permanent shaka flasher to all who trail behind.

I don’t know if my mother would be on board with making hand signals to express her thanks, but I am certain that she would be pleased that her value of gratitude and appreciation instilled in me at a very young age has been passed to the next generation in my children. I also imagine that she would probably be one to let the bus go first and feel that same tickle of delight when the shaka shines its appreciation from the top right corner of the back of the bus.